Just A Small Update
Date: 6/23/24	Mood: Anxious
Listening To: Takanashi Kiara sing 70s/80s songs

Was feeling bad this morning because I hadn't done any website work, and then I realize that I was holding myself to a fake standard because the whole point of having an old style website is that it's not a content grind and I can keep it half finished and under construction for literal years and nobody would know or care. That was the entire point.

Twitter has been making me crazier than usual lately, the For You Tab used to mostly give me pokemon fan art and other things that were chill but lately it's just been feeding me the endless quote tweet fights of 20 year olds trying to yell at each other about how impolite or politically bankrupt they are for posting wrong. Which I might think they should touch grass, but people have their personal freedoms. It's more that I've stopped to parse enough of them that the eyeball timer on those got caught and now it's all I get over and over again and every time I find myself getting worked up about a back and forth war over, say, whether a comics artist wasn't polite enough to someone being an asshole to them, I simply feel like I have to get the fuck off the website it's causing me bleeding damage.

Every time I feel particularly driven off the social media websites I go 'well I should work on this' so here we are. The problem is that I can write all the blogs I want it's still not going to take the place of my habit of just loading up the timeline and catching up and hitting refresh a few times, which is the actual habit I have to stop. I'm not entirely sure how to do that, but I really want to get the hell off of the endless drip of every topic du jour and people trying to be funny and/or superior to everyone else, I'm fully sick of it at this point. Deprogramming habits without a replacement to put that time/energy into is just hard. I don't know, maybe I'll ask my therapist about it tomorrow, she's not very online but I'm not looking for online solutions I'm looking for solutions to re-direct attention Away From Online, so her ideas might be ideal.

It's easier on the weekends, when I can just get up and do something else or put on a movie or a show or something, but when I'm at work it's the worst. Then I'm at my most doom scrolling because twitter has been my surrogate for feeling restless/annoyed/sad at my day job for literally 15 years at this point. I don't hate my current day job like some of my old jobs, but I still have the habit of looking whenever I have a down moment, and I'm not sure where to put like 2 minutes of restless energy 20 times a day that isn't that. If you have ideas, feel free to suggest something, I'm truly struggling with this one.

After my last post I kept watching The L Word and not doing more serious work, which is nice, but also I finished season 4 of The L Word and then started season 5 and season 5 has crossed this invisible threshold from kind of trashy show I really liked that I thought was going places to show that's gone on so long it's fallen into self-parody and has begun to regress into being a bad show playing the hits. I'm so close to the end, only 9 episodes in season 5 and then 8 episodes total in season 6, that I'll see the whole thing out. I don't like dropping shows, also season 6's gimmick is so wild to me that it's one of the reasons I started watching the show in the first place, so it would be ludicrous to drop it so close to the finish line. But I am slowing down as the show just got kind of bad, and it's taken the wind out of my sails. It isn't even a creative shakeup, like when Sorkin left The West Wing and it got crappy in much more pedestrain ways. It's more like ... season 7 TNG, when they're truly just out of ideas. Sometimes the episodes are good, and you still really like the characters, but they're kind of circling the drain and you just wish they'd have committed to something else or wrapped it up already. So it goes. Many TV shows have fared worse. Frasier did this in like season 9 or 10 or something, and kept going for a while after. I watched all of that damn thing (ages ago, would never do it now I'm too busy).

I also need to figure out what I'm reading next too. Right now I'm reading Solaris, but I'll probably finish that in the middle of the week, and I don't have a new book lined up. That also will be the impetus to maybe work on a book rating page for this website, even if it's just like placeholders. One of the people in the AM community has a really nice lo-fi rating table I might ask him if I can steal the format of and use for a while until I can figure out something I like better, specifically for books.

I also have a few album reviews I need to write. Not enough for another post entirely, but a few I can put in a draft and save until I get like 5-8 of them and drop another whole post. I need to work on a page for that too, but again I just haven't had the bandwidth for a bunch of website building stuff. My health has been kind of bad, and I've just been busy with this and that when I'm not working, y'know how it is.

Hope everyone has a good final week of the month. I was really happy with both GGP and Abnormal Mapping this week, so I hope people like them. Feel like I'm starting to heal a bit re: anime stuff, which is probably for a different post, but it's nice to just be enjoying the cartoons and watching some in my spare time and not being totally burnt out on it like I've been for the last year plus.